So, reading over my last few posts, I’ve noticed that this blog has gone downhill. Well, what I mean is that I’ve been whining a lot. I really do want to leave the whining to the rest of you, who do it so well. You’re prolific.Since I’ve already gone so far downhill, I’m just gonna hit rock bottom. A pathetic list should do the trick. To relax after ten hours of studying, a list of ten famous women I find incredible. (yes, they all happen to be beautiful, but that’s in keeping with the whole net mentality, isn’t it? Or is that an LA mentality? Anyways, this is meant to be bottom of the barrel stuff.)
Here we begin our study of my psyche. Ms. Vega is all eyes and lips. As we shall see, these are important factors to consider.
Here is another smile. This woman also happens to be a brilliant actress.
Eyes. Brilliant actress. Red head.
Red hair, smile, brilliant actress, and played an artistic nutjob on my favorite show ever, Six Feet Under
Eyes, smile. She's the girl you wanna bring home to mom.
Before she was shaking her ass on MTV, this woman was known for her masterful heartfelt lyrics. In spanish, her songs are smart, clever, and never outdone. Add to that a beautiful smile, those eyes, and we'll give her a little credit for the belly dancing.
She's got them all beat on the eyes and the talent. She gets bonus points for being the one who doesn't deserve to be put in this stupid list the most. I wish she smiled a bit more, and that when she did, I believed her. It's all my in my head, though.The big three, ladies and gentlemen.
She's scary. She can give Dave Grohl a run for his screaming money. Eyes. Lips. Talent. Oh, and she can kick me ass and I'd let her.
The eyes, the smile, the body. Happens to be in several of my favorite movies. She's not perfect, which makes her, well, perfect. Oh, and she's funny as hell.
The perfect smile in my book. She's Sydney Bristow on Alias. She's a total sweetheart whenever I see her interviewed. She can be badass sexy, or ferris wheel kiss cute. And I'm hoping she didn't choose Ben Affleck for his acting skills.
She reminds me of all the girls I know, which is always a good thing. And her smile...
Everybody is busy preparing for lives they do not want. They work so hard for things they detest. Are they the one's with an affliction of the mind? Or is it me, standing on a mountain of a mole-hill with an expression which looks to be indifference, but is unadulterated amazement. Apathy is an emotion long lost to me. All I wish is a magic trick which might catch their attention, so that they may not dig their own graves and lie in them the moment they are complete. Above all things, I am not a coward. That I should run from my dreams and aspirations is tantamount to suicide. To throw a worthless life away in pursuit of impossible dreams is a noble adventure, though it may end in the same death as any other. The air of compromise that surrounds everybody I love makes them seem a sickly gray. I want to shake them awake. Hello, you piece of shit. Is there still reason within you? Will you not listen to me for a bit? Do you not understand my frustration? Fuck you! Do not pin your hopes and dreams in my view and then expect me to let them fall without anguish. Everything points to my falling if you do not stand with me. Do not save me. Save us. Stop compromising. Nobody will remember you, coward, thief. You ghost of a human. You are nothing if not but a bag of bones which may set forth and die gloriously. Do not pick your battles. Fight them all and win even the ones you lose. There is no give and take. Give all you have and hopefully you'll be dead before you can collect your debts.For the people that read this stupid fucking excuse for actual communication. Wake up. Let's fucking do something for once.***Due to all the domain shenanigans, and to save my editor(s) some grief before finals, I will postpone posting the first part of my novel until late next week. I'm well on my way and I'm excited. It may turn out to be horrible, but it's my horrible.Ja.
There is wicked wind outside now. It's the same wind that ended a terrible couple of weeks for me. My toes were near frozen as I stood in line for a single ticket to see Ms. Fiona 'Guilty Eyes' Apple, Saturday night. I decided that if when the box office opened, they had a seat for me, that'd be the end of the energy I spent on anger and anguish. I really got battered around last week; it felt like a hard kick to the gut. I don't say this lightly, or for some kind of dramatic effect, but never had I considered taking my own life as plausible as I did late Wednesday. Even as I read it now, it sounds melodramatic, but it is true. If I recounted half of it, you'd understand. Unfortunately, it involves other people, and to them, I owe discretion. Just when my toes were on the verge of mutiny, a ticket was slipped under the box office window. (Ms. Apple, thank you for the huge smile on my face!) So, I'm letting it all wash over me. If you can help with a little understanding, and a smile when I wouldn't expect one, I will repay you twofold. I promise.
"In the midst of winter, I found there was within me, an invincible summer."- Albert Camus
*** I woke up Thanksgiving morning, threw on a pair of warm socks, and went to the supermarket with my little brother. Nutmeg, ginger, cinnamon, flour, pecans, pumpkin, and butter, make what? Spicy Pumpkin Pie with glazed pecans is what! I did it on a lark, as I really needed something to focus on. The results were surprising. It tasted yummy, at least to me. My family almost finished it at dinner, though it certainly could have been a courtesy to me. I managed to save a little slice, which I'm saving for when I finish a horrible, tragic research paper I've been assigned.*** I finally started compiling and rewriting the bunch of tidbits I've written for what I think will end up being a serial novel. I'm a better writer now, and I think it's time to give it a try. I'm gonna try to be three sections ahead of what I release, so it will be a few days before I post the first. I need somebody to just go over it with a fresh eye, so please volunteer in the comments section and I'll contact you. (I've asked a few people, but I think it better that it be done willingly. Those people, are, of course, more than welcome to volunteer below. Hint, hint.)Ja.
I spent Monday night talking to myself. Talking to myself has actually been on my mind for a bit now. I can’t really help it. I do it at home, in my car, and sometimes, in line when buying lunch. When other people are present, I usually keep it quiet, but I find myself making facial expressions in response to theoretical replies. I talk to myself about everything; just a massive stew of surprisingly coherent thoughts, peppered by jokes and observations. Sometimes, I’ll relive a recent moment in my head, and change the flow of the conversation into where I wished it gone. Sometimes, I make up new conversations with people, simply because I can. There isn’t any history of schizophrenia in my family. In terms of neurological disorders, I’d say I should be more wary of Parkinson’s than anything. That doesn’t mean I am not worried, but I’m waiting. There may be a day when I have a conversation with somebody who isn’t there, but I won’t know it. If that ever happens, I’ll promptly walk myself to the nearest hospital.I’m afraid that all this talking to myself might be detrimental to the actual dialogue I have with my fellow humans. So, in the proactive way that has been beat into my head by experience, I’m going to try to change that. So, expect a call from me soon.
That was fun. And it turns out my taste is a little weird. (says my cousin) What, no Angelina Jolie? Well, I said incredible. If we went only by looks, it would be a different list.Analysis reveals that there is one Spanish girl. One German girl. One Columbian girl. One English girl. Six American girls. Why are there no Asian women? I'll have to get back to you when I think of one.Leave a comment with your own list. That would totally give us that Livejournal/Xanga experience.(Zooey Deschanel, Hilary Swank, Thora Birch, Scarlet Johansson, Uma Thurman.... only missing because I'm not willing to waste more than a half hour on this. Oh, and I forgot Ms. Knightley, though she belongs more to the hot list than the incredible list.)*Update*:It has been pointed out to me that I made a horrendous omission in the list above.
Add one to the French category.
subscribe via RSS